Tuesday, July 30, 2013

When Doubts Creep In

While we are confident in our decision to homeschool for the upcoming school year and feel at peace with the "why's" of our choice, it is inevitable for doubts to creep in.  Here have been my doubts as we have travelled this journey.
  • I often 'fail' at motherhood, how can I be a good mom and a good teacher at the same time?
  • What if I don't like it?
  • What if the girls don't like it?
  • What if it makes the girls bicker more instead of less?
  • What if homeschooling puts Izzy behind her peers academically?
  • My kids won't turn out weird, right?
For the most part, I have been able to have peace to get past the attacks of the "what ifs?" on the doubt list.  Taking each day, week, and year as it comes allows for an open invitation for God to lead us into the best educational decision for our family.

It's the first one I still struggle with often as we approach our 'start' day for homeschooling.  I don't have pinterest worthy projects lined up.  My house is a minefield of toys and crumbs.  My children are not bathed as regularly as they should be.  I hate craft time and do not enjoy having my kids bake with me.  But, in the end, I'm a good mom.  My kids are fed, clothed, and loved.  

I love teaching.  But if I 'fail' so much at motherhood, how can I possibly be a good mom and a good teacher at the same time.  Will I be able to distinguish between the two roles?  Should there be a distinction?

As we travel this journey, I anticipate daily struggles and doubts.  Thankfully, I have the Master Teacher on my side.  God has directed our path to this moment, and will continue to do so.  No matter what doubts I have, God is greater than all of them.  If I am willing to listen, He will be faithful to put the pieces into place.  He will give confidence, skills, and ability to be successful in this journey.

Give ear, and hear my voice;
give attention, and hear my speech.
Does he who plows for sowing plow continually?
Does he continually open and harrow his ground?
When he has leveled its surface,
does he not scatter dill, sow cumin,
       and put in wheat in rows
and barley in its proper place,
and emmer as the border?
For he is rightly instructed;
his God teaches him.

-Isaiah 28:23-26

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